I follow the rules. So what? I’ve been a good student since kindergarten. I take good care of myself. I know my limits when it comes to alcohol. I pay my own bills on time. I exercise three to four times a week. Well, maybe twice a week. I just like doing what I’m supposed to do. Mainly because I like taking care of myself and I like peace. I’ll never trade a boring night of watching Lifetime movies and eating takeout for a night I won’t remember. That’s not a good time. Cheers to whoever wants that, but that’s not my cup of tea. But when I need a night like that, I know who to call to turn up with and that’s my business.
People have always referred to me as Miss Goody Two Shoes. Okay, fine. However, when I do anything that isn’t perfect or prim and proper, I’m on the front page of the National Enquirer. I’m showing my age, right? Wait a minute. I meant it would be featured on the Shade Room.
Truth is, I don’t like attention and I don’t like getting in trouble. Well. Let me back up. I only like attention from who I want it from if that makes sense. I don’t need it from anyone else. I’m a Leo who doesn’t like the spotlight. Now don’t get me wrong, if you give me a microphone or stand me at a podium, I’ll what I need to do to give the people what they want. Even if I’m caught off guard or nervous just give me a few minutes to warm up. I’m fine with being in the background, but again, I’m not as shy as the whole world seems to think. And getting in trouble just doesn’t agree with my spirit. It gives me anxiety. Maybe I should do a deep dive to find out why but I just know I don’t like it. I’ve never been a risk taker. I’m not adventurous. Spontaneity is not my friend. I like to plan and I like structure. Anything else, y’all can have it. Get it away from me.
I’ll never forget the time when I first kinda sorta got in trouble at school. I was in the first grade and someone asked me a stupid question during class. We were all sitting on the carpet. As an adult with OCD, the thought of it makes me cringe, and I also long for my young years when I wasn’t concerned with germs. I can’t remember what we were doing or what they asked, but someone’s son obviously wasn’t paying attention. So he tapped me on the shoulder, asked me a question and I answered. I’m Ms Goody Two Shoes, remember? Why wouldn’t he ask me? I damn sure was paying attention. Not good enough. I remember vividly that my teacher was in a frenzy. She was all over the place yelling and probably wishing she had chosen a different job. She was in the midst of yelling at another student when she turned around and I guess she saw my little mouth moving and said, “Pariss, stop talking, I’m pulling your strip too.” Y’all know when Beyonce said, “I stop the world, universe stop, carry on.” Well, in my six-year-old brain, the universe stopped. I froze. I felt so ashamed. The strips in my name card were always on green and there I was, at yellow. If I had gotten on red, I would have really been devastated. No one had ever told me to stop talking and it hasn’t happened since. I also never had any strips pulled again. In that class or any other class. But somehow, after a few minutes which, I’m sure back in 1996 felt like forever, everyone carried on. I couldn’t. I still felt terrible and I knew that I never wanted to feel like that again. Maybe I don’t need to do a deep dive, clearly, I know why I don’t like getting in trouble. I wish I could remember who it was they asked me that stupid question. I would put their name in this story, no pseudonym. I guess I live up to the whole “goody-goody” thing. Even to this day, I still follow the rules. I do have a bad habit of taking tons of utensils, paper towels, and condiments out of fast food places and hoarding them in my car. Doesn’t everyone?
There are times when I want to bend the rules a little bit. When I do, I always regret it. If you need an example, I hate being late. I think it’s rude. When I get somewhere late, I feel so behind and it takes me longer to get myself together and catch up. Sometimes, when I decide to attend an event late for whatever reason, I feel so guilty. I feel guilty anytime I do something I shouldn’t do. I’ve always been that way. I like peace of mind. I go above and beyond to accomplish it. And I’m ok with that. At the end of the day, we all have to do what works best of us, right? If following the rules avoiding trouble and doing something I’ll regret helps me, why should anyone give me hell for it? I’m not doing the same for people who do the opposite.